Hurts So Good

Sometimes “nice” words can deeply wound. Sometimes “hurtful” words can build up.

Let me explain. A friend telling us that we have food in our teeth may make us embarrassed, but it is for our own good. We can run to the bathroom and remove the spinach and move on with our life. Alternatively, a person who would tell you “you look so great today” may make us feel good about ourselves, but the reality is the food is still there.

Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.”

What this verse is not giving us permission to do is to be rude. We need to speak truth to our loved one in love. Truth without love is harsh and not in line with the example that God has given us. The Bible is filled with truth, and yes, most if not all that truth can be hard to digest. But as much as truth flows through the Bible, love flows just as much.

Many of us have grown up with our moms instructing us, “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” While I appreciate the wisdom of biting your tongue, I would slightly amend the saying. My version goes like this…

If you can’t say anything kind don’t say anything at all.

Kindness and niceness are very different words. Kindness is defined as the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. And you know what? Sometimes being friendly, generous, and considerate can actually hurt another person’s feelings. But it is still necessary.

Sometimes kindness hurts. But that’s because kindness isn’t just about feeling good, it is about what is good for us.

Niceness, on the other hand, is only about making us feel good. There is a lack of depth and substance in a nice comment compared to a kind comment.

Let’s say that you rob a bank and go out and buy a brand-new car. A frenemy who didn’t care about your soul, or the quality of your relationship with God, or even whether or not you went to jail might just simply compliment you on your beautiful new car. But a friend, a true friend would kindly and lovingly tell you that you have done wrong.

We need more people in our lives that are willing to, in love and kindness, tell us the hard truths. We need to know when there is food in our teeth, when we have made mistakes, and when we have drifted in our faith.

So, friends please be kind to me. Please do not be afraid to lovingly wound me. But also, please be sure that your criticism is constructive and not just simply complaining.

We all need to welcome the wounds of our true friends because they are ultimately for our good. This is a scary thing because it makes us vulnerable and it causes us to trust others with our feelings. But eventually, if we are willing to put our pride aside, we will grow for the better.

Be thankful for the wounds of a friend. Beware the kisses of an enemy.

I Make The Pancakes

One bright Sunday morning in October of 2018 I woke up and was feeling much more awake than I normally do on any given morning. I bounced out to the kitchen, started the coffee, and decided to do something I had only done a handful of times in my life.

I made pancakes.

They were only just alright. (But when are pancakes actually “bad” anyway?)

The next Sunday morning rolled around, and my wife came out to the kitchen and laughed, “you’re making pancakes again? OK!”

It was on the third Sunday in a row at the breakfast table that I boldly proclaimed, “I have decided that I will make pancakes each and every Sunday henceforth.” (Yes, I really did say “henceforth.”)

My wife and friends gave me an exaggerated “oookkk” and called me goofy.

But you know what? I have faithfully made pancakes each and every Sunday since.

You may be wondering why I am writing about making pancakes and my silly Sunday morning routines. The reason is that in this situation, as with every other situation in life, I am learning a lesson.

The lesson is, growth takes time, but it is very rewarding.

You see, when I first started out I couldn’t quite get the right consistency in the batter. The hotcakes were either too thin and floppy or too thick and dry. I also was a novice in the flipping department. And, worst of all, I was impatient and either turned the heat too high or flipped prematurely before the first side was even fully cooked.

Thanks to my wife and friends for eating those inferior pancakes without complaining.

This last Sunday I was able to make the best batch of pancakes that I have ever made…and I hope that next week will only be better.

You see, growth is a process. There are bumps and bruises along the way. You don’t start off perfect (or even close to it) but eventually, with time, you are able to grow. The goal is to be better than you were yesterday. And when it comes to our relationship with Jesus, our goal should always be to be closer to Him tomorrow than we were today.

My love for Jesus is stronger today than it was five years ago, and I pray that five years from now I will love Him even more.

2 Peter 3:18 says to “…grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen.”

Hebrews 6 encourages us to leave the “elementary” things and move on towards maturity in Christ. And Hebrews 5 warns against staying in the childish immature stage of spiritual development.

We need to grow spiritually.

While it does take time to grow and it certainly is a process, (it’s called Sanctification) we need to realize that we do have a part in the process. In Luke 17 the disciples asked Jesus to increase their faith. And I suggest that we do the same.

We cannot expect to grow spiritually if the only time that we talk about Jesus is on a Sunday morning. We cannot expect to increase our prayer life if the only time we pray is before a meal. And we cannot expect to know God better if our exposure to the Bible is only from the “verse of the day.”

I have heard the following statement before from many sources, so I will simply repeat it here…

We must have three daily conversations:

  • We must talk to God (prayer)
  • We must let God talk to us (read our Bible)
  • We must talk about God (sharing the Gospel)

We cannot expect to grow deeper in our faith if we fail to practice it. Just like I could not expect to make good pancakes if I didn’t practice,  17 weeks in a row might I add. (And counting!)

So, friends, I encourage you, just as I am encouraging myself. To make an extra effort this year to be more consistent in your walk with Jesus.

Say no to spiritual immaturity.

Grow closer to Him.